Lament for Allen
by Morisatou Keiichi
Summary: [XENOSAGA] Allen, a wonderful guy often overlooked by others.Allen Ridgeley, the sad, unlucky character of Xenosaga. This story pays tribute to him in so many ways. Pairings inside, first romance fic so please share your thoughts with me!
1. Default Chapter

**_Lament-Tribute to Allen_**

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_Allen Ridgeley, the sad, unlucky character of Xenosaga. This story pays tribute to him in so many ways. I do not own Xenosaga. A/N at the bottom of this fic._

_**********_

  Gently, the Elsa slid through deep space, passing a small meteorite shower that tinkled on windows like tiny wind chimes. It seemed so beautiful, and yet so dangerous. Outside the thick windows of the Elsa, any human being would instantly be vaporized by the immense pressure of the universe.

  Allen Ridgeley stared sadly out of the window as twinkling red blue and green particles bounced off the hull and into space infinite. The small meteorites kinda reminded him of his own fate, forever searching, yet never finding.

  It had been that way even from the start. 

  His mother and father had divorced, and he was sent to live with his poverty-stricken mother while his father remarried a rich model. Even though they were poor, his mother gave Allen everything he could ever need, and protected him from the rigors of life while he grew up.

  Good things never lasted. 

  She died of leukaemia soon after, on Christmas Day, and Allen was deeply stricken. Holding her hands, he opened her last Christmas gift to him, those easy tears stinging his eyes as he watched his beloved mother fade away into the eternity of death.

  It was a swimming suit, one that was made of expandable materiel and could very well serve him for life. The colour was….awkward to say the least, seeing that his mother had been colour-blind, but he treasured it. 

  After his mother's death, he was forced to seek refuge at his father's, and was not treated well at all. After scraping together enough money to enter Bormeo by himself, the unlucky soul left his home, never wishing to return again.

  Bormeo was vast, with many students and faculty. Allen was not always welcome, and often ridiculed, even for his achievements. The Ridgeley AI Prototype System, to be used on androids, never made it out of the lab due to someone's 'accidental' mistake of throwing the large data chip into the recycler. Again, when he developed a new mathematical analysis codon for digital systems, someone chucked that out of the window. His only skills were at digital stuff, but thanks to some jealous peers, the instructors viewed him as a useless fool.

  Parties were terrifying to him, especially beach ones. During the few occasions that he was invited (more like they invited everyone else, and unwittingly put his name on the list) to a beach party at one of Bormeo's great beaches, Allen wore that swimsuit, and was constantly ridiculed by his peers for his 'ugly' costume. Yet, he never threw that away, for it was the sole relic of his mother. 

  After Bormeo, he finally was accepted into Vector, where he established himself as a quiet man. Unfortunately, most thought of him as a sissy. 

  Allen looked down at the steaming hot dish of scallops, vegetables and rice that the bartender served up. The same bartender that he had lost ALL of his rare promo Shion Uzuki XenoCards to. The only reason he continued to patronize the Elsa restaurant was because he was given 50% off his food and drink. Mostly because of all the cards the robot had won.

  "Damn it…" said he softly, cursing his luck.

**********

  KOS-MOS was challenging herself to another round of cleaning dishes. So far, she had only broken one out of two million, forty-eight thousand five hundred and fifty-six (she offered some help in the Kukai kitchens), and found that to be immensely challenging. Her power output was capable of crushing a car without any trouble, yet washing the delicate porcelain was a task she never tired of. The bartenders had enjoyed her help, especially as she could do several hundred in a scant minute. Of course, there were other more lecherous men who tried to 'take advantage of her', as humans often said.

  Androids were never taken advantage of.

  Just then, Allen made his entrance rather spectacularly, being kicked in by someone after forgetting to pay his debts. Again. All of his contributions, such as restocking the Elsa at every port, maintenance of KOS-MOS when Shion was busy or depressed, buying gifts out of his own money for the crew were instantly forgotten at his slightest mistake.

  Everything forgotten.

  Allen slammed hard onto the floor, his plate smashing against the bulkhead. Several slivers embedded themselves into his arm, causing him to cry out in pain.

  "Ow…"

  KOS-MOS immediately walked over, her voice and features emotionless as always. "Allen, are you all right? My sensors indicate that was no light damage you suffered for a human."

  "It's…nothing. Thanks anyway." He winced, knowing how often the Chief said that, and how he hated that phrase. KOS-MOS offered a hand, and pulled him up easily. As the lonely soul carried his shattered plate over to the sink miserably, holding it like a poor person might hold onto his one possession, the android moved closer to him.

  "Allen, are you certain of your mental condition? My sensors do not indicate any cheerfulness in your demeanour, and you appear to be suffering from depression."

  "Go away."

  "My Primary Directive is to ensure that all Vector personnel are safely taken care of, and that-"

  With a primal roar of frustration, rage and despair, Allen launched himself at KOS-MOS, banging his fist on her ineffectively. The android made no move, even though he was a minor threat. Her armour was indomitable to him, and several psychological studies had shown that humans needed to relieve 'stress' this way.

  With each blow on the titanium exoskeleton, Allen's hands bruised and bled. Yet, he kept on doing it, until he was wracked with pain and exhaustion. Then, collapsing to the floor, the easy tears slid down his cheeks again.

  At this, KOS-MOS reached down, and pulled him up once more, surprisingly gentle. "Allen, did that make you feel any better?"

  It was only after a while and in a choked tone that he replied saying he did indeed feel better. Before he could say more, the door slid open, and MOMO walked in.

  "Hello KOS-MOS! Have you se-Allen! What's wrong?"

  The ashamed man tried to hide his grief-stricken face, but MOMO was faster. The 100-Series Realian ran over and inquired innocently about Allen's grief. He refused to say a word, but MOMO guessed it nonetheless. Throughout the last few days, so much had happened, and she and Ziggy were the sole witnesses to Allen's hard work.

  Two days ago, before entering the Song of Nephilim, Allen could be observed loading heavy crates onto the Elsa alone, and getting beaten up by a group of thugs because of his uniform, like Cherenkov formerly was. Unfortunately, he wasn't a super-soldier.

  Only MOMO again had seen the pain he was in as he stumbled to the sickbay and applied first aid to himself, but he always refused help, trying to prove that he was not a coward anymore. Now, she took one look at the stricken man, who had gone through so much pain in life, and yet found no solace, and decided to take him back to the cabin.

  "Come on KOS-MOS! Help me get Allen back!"

*********

  While MOMO patched Allen's hands up and KOS-MOS stood attentively beside them, Allen mentioned a new, upgraded emotion chip that he had been working on for the android. According to him, the chip was to take his mind off things, and would treble the capabilities of the old one in KOS-MOS.

  MOMO leapt up and down eagerly. "KOS-MOS, what say we insert that chip for you? It'd make you seem more human!"

  "Based on my personal assessment of your chip, I have detected that it will indeed increase my capabilities, although I must be able to deactivate the chip when unnecessary." MOMO looked at Allen, who nodded. "No prob."

  "Okay then! Allen, we can install it, and won't Shion be surprised!"

**********

Poor Allen. I relate to him more so than anyone else in the epic game known as Xenosaga (no sarcasm intended. But I am furious that I don't own it). Well, this is just a random fic, created by some guy who loves Xenosaga so much he's addicted, and just hopes to do this awesome game some justice with his not-so-awesome fic. Okay, reviews would be welcome, flames as well, and I am expecting some when I say this next statement.

Ahem, I am listing out pairings.

Chaos has no time for love, coz he's always so busy trying to do good. I don't hate him, just I don't relate to him so well. ^_^

MOMO and Jr. sitting on a tree. Kay-eye-ess-ess-eye-enn-gee.

That says it for them.

If Margulis turns out to be Kevin sometime in Episode something, then Shion gets to be with him. Until then, no-one for her. (surprised? You'd be stunned by the next one)

Allen and KOS-MOS.

Bring on the flames or whatever! I just wanted to write this, and I will do so, no matter what! Ha.

(two big men enter, and drag the screaming author off, presumably to a mental institute)

Big MAN: We apologize for the inconvenience. This man is in reality, an escapee from the Federation Asylums, and we are here to take him back. Enjoy the fic, though.

Shadow Percussionist (me, you moron^_^) : AUGH! I'll be BACK!!!!!!!

*insert Darth Vader theme*

See you guys!


	2. Testimony

**Test**

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Disclaimer: As usual, I do not own Xenosaga, Namco does, and I wish I did, but I don't. (Grrrrr)

Moved the A/N here, and I wanna thank everyone who reviewed! I will be adding Jin Uzuki in later, along with other XS characters! Looks like this romance could get a little action-packed as I finish the game! (Er, nope, I haven't finished the game.) The pairings will NOT be obvious. You have to see.

I will change some stuff later on, perhaps even pairings, due to certain events that unfold as the game ends. Okay, total revising. WHO WANTS ALLEN TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE? Please vote. I am really stuck here. He won't die. Not yet.

**********

  Allen glanced nervously around at the small group of his conspirators that had gathered within the Maintenance Bay, preparing to insert the computer chip into KOS-MOS. He was also preparing to ask for Shion's permission to go ahead with this, and that would be the hardest part by far.

  Ziggy had been added to their motley crew, and the cyborg stood emotionlessly by KOS-MOS' maintenance 'coffin'. His blue eyes gazed down at KOS-MOS, and he gave Allen a silent thumbs up.

  MOMO stood up, prepared to walk with Allen to ask Shion while chaos smiled from where he was. Returning a grateful smile to them, Allen headed to the door, the 100-Series Realian by his side.

  At length, he finally reached Shion's room.

  _Whew, why did KOS-MOS have to go all the way to the end of the hangar?? I could have saved so much time if she was nearer. Knock, knock. __Come on Shion, open the door…_

(Anyone realize how long it takes to get to anywhere in the game?)

The door opened, and Shion stood there, her eyes bleary and unfocused from evidently overworking. Realizing this was not the best time to ask, Allen was about to leave when Shion glared at him and hissed at him to speak.

  "E-E-Er-C-C-Chief-cou-could-I-I-ad-add-"

  "SPEAK UP, ALLEN RIDGELY! Or else don't WASTE MY TIME."

  "ChiefcouldiinsertanextraemotionchipintoKOSMOS?"

  Her answer was direct, straight, just what he had hoped for. No beating around the bush there, and no hiding anything. It was so direct, it hurt so badly.

  "No."

  "B-But Chief! It was supposed to be a Christmas present for you! When KOS-MOS finally acts human, won't you be happy?"

  "No. Allen. GET. OUT."

  So saying, as Allen proceeded to ignore her directive, she seized a chair and flung it at Allen, with strength surprising to her build.

  "AND STAY OUT!"

**********

  Allen could be found later in the restaurant holding a glass of Kirshwasser. 

  MOMO sat beside him, encouragingly patting him on the back while KOS-MOS analyzed the situation. "Based on my current analysis of the unlikely behaviour of Shion, all we can say for certain, to quote you humans: 'She has something on her mind.' You would do well to wait a little while, Allen Ridgeley." Ziggy offered no comment, but his blue eyes seemed to hold a certain amount of compassion for the young man, despite the emotionlessness (whew) of his outward appearance.

  That did not make Allen feel any better. MOMO hesitated after she saw what he had been drinking. "ALLEN! Are you drinking alcohol!?"

  "Er…..yeah."

  Seizing the glass, MOMO dumped it into the trashcan with a sound of tinkling glass and a very loud complaint from the bartender. "Allen, don't give up hope! I'm sure you can still pull through! Isn't that right, KOS-MOS!?" she asked, shooing the bartender away.

  "My sensors calculate a 0.0456% chance of success the next time you approach her when she is in this mood."

  MOMO scowled and turned to Allen. "KOS-MOS is just being mean! I'm sure you can do better than zero point whatever percent!"

  "The best result available for the moment is 1.00067%."

  chaos smiled encouragingly as always, and tapped KOs-MOS on the shoulder. "There, there, don't go make Allen feel bad and all. Sometime, humans can outperform their expectation, and I'm sure Allen can do so, right?"

  "My history logs reveal that such cases are extremely rare." chaos sweatdropped. 

  Allen got up and stretched his eyes rather red. "Okay….I guess I'll go take a nap now. See ya guys."

***********

  As he neared the quarters that served as his residence in the Elsa, Allen felt a sense of déjà vu. This happened every time he went near Shion. Every-damn-time. 

  On the way into the door, Hemmer rushed around the corridor, slamming heavily into Allen. "Ouch! Allen, get the hell out of my way! Why don't you watch where you place that lazy ass of yours!?"

  And then, he was gone, even before Allen could reply. Sighing heavily, he entered the cabin, but was called to the Durandal's bridge by Shelley. Well, at least _she listened and wasn't too mean to him._

  Five minutes later, he did not think so highly of her.

  Her dark eyes were raging, and she calmly but fiercely admonished him with leaving a bunch of Med Kits in the halls after the evacuation of Kukai. The Aqua and Rose Sols inside the kit had reacted to a cleaning solution, resulting in a terrible explosion that blew up an entire corridor. When he tried to explain, that it was not him, and he did not know the culprit, everyone turned a deaf ear to him.

  Previously, Shelley had been the only person he could speak to without getting poked fun at or yelled at. This event did very very little to his ego, sending it on a downward spiral into the Abyss. On the way back, he was accosted by a big guy, presumably the one who taught him how to do the 'Iron Pose' in Kukai. The girl he secretly loved had been caught in the explosion and almost died. He paid Allen back in kind, and probably might have with interest as well if not for the intervention of several police officers. They took one look at Allen however, and started jeering at him for blowing up vending machines.

  Knowing it was Shion and her Vaporizer Plug in which had done so, he refused to defend himself. This decision resulted in a painful experience for him. Very painful. A small bit of consolation for him was the fact that he was the one getting beaten up, not Shion.

  Dragging his half-dead body into a bathroom, he wondered how the next life would be. Contemplating suicide not for the first time, he opened a bottle of Zetasol. 

  "They'll miss me when I'm gone. Then again, perhaps not."

  Were his final words before he popped the contents of 26 Zetasol into his bloody mouth.

**********


	3. Why?

**Why?**

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A/N: Okay! THANK YOU, all those kind souls who have reviewed!!!! I can't express enough gratitude…..yet anyway! Allen's back, but this time with desperation on his side. Subtle and not too subtle hints taken, Shion might make a good soul mate for him, but I've decided on something halfway between Shion and no-one.

Keep your eyes glued to this, and you'll find out!

**********

  Allen's first though was how warm it was.

  It seemed comforting, and soothing, that warm sensation of peace and relaxation. Like a warm blanket on a chilly winter's day, or a hot mug of drink when the weather was bad. And when facing the chill alternative of life, who would not perceive the warmth with open arms?

  Death drew ever closer, and Allen saw its grim visage. It took on the form of Shion screaming at him, and Shion rejecting his offers for everything. And then, yet, it became her again, reaching out to embrace him with arms wide open, a joyous smile on her face that lifted her mood to ecstatic proportions.

  …and whosoever believeth in me shall live and never die.

  Allen reached out to death. _But I don't believe._

  Consequences rushed into his mind, flooding his subconscious. Everyone on the Elsa gathered at a tomb, presumably in the Dammerung, where all Vector employees were buried. As they had mourned Kevin, now they mourned him, and rain fell from the heavens, as if the artificial skies on the space colony were weeping, and the angels cast their drops of remorse for having treated this soul so unfairly unto the black earth that shared his pain.

  KOS-MOS had her emotion chip installed, and so thereafter, the world would know his contributions. MOMO knelt by his tomb, wondering why the unlucky young man had decided to take his life, shedding no small amount of grief over his prostrate body entombed within the world below. Ziggy stood tall beside her, his head bowed. Perhaps he too remembered some fragment of the old days when he was human? 

  Matthews, Hammer and Tony were dressed unusually in black, reminiscing about how Allen had helped them to restock the Elsa. Considering the fact that they even noticed, he would be happy enough. Beside KOS-MOS stood chaos, and he seemed as though he knew why Allen had chosen the path he had, and yet did not divulge it.

  Jr., even Jr. was standing with his head bowed, saying something about him being one of life's constants. All his nagging and whining and constant reminders not to endanger themselves, much like an overprotective mother hen would be missed.

  _Let them miss me. It would do them good._

And then, he saw Shion.

  She who had only wept twice in her life, at least witnessed by Allen, adopted the sae grief that had shrouded over her at Kevin's grave. Her tears were crystal flakes of remorse, glancing off the cold marble under which he lay imprisoned. She sobbed and was in a fury with herself, why had she ever blamed him for everything?

  Allen did not want her to be sad. He didn't, even though she deserved it. He would go to the deepest depths of hell with her, but not this way. He did not want her to suffer both Kevin and him gone, although he highly doubted he came even close to Kevin's place in her heart.

  With such conflicting emotions, what could one do but to let Fate decide?

  Tossing his coin, the coin of his life into the air, he prayed and hoped that Fate would guide him. 

**********

VERY VERY SHORT, I know, but this is building up into something! I can sense it! Pls vote for pairings!


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